It’s 2am and I my sacral energy will not slow down. I am experiencing what it means to be a Generator and completely and totally in the flow. I have felt this before, but never so acutely, never with the ability to acknowledge it to feel it. To fucking know it’s real.
It’s totally and completely unexpected. A week ago, I was shadow boxing core wounds, slipping back into patterns of heartbreak. Running from vulnerability. Pushing every perceivable threat away, wounded. and alone. Mourning the loss of another circle.
Enter Chiron in Aries. Enter a powerful Emergent Human Design reading. Enter complete and total lit-up-ness. Enter Fawkes, rising from the ashes. It’s me, I’m Fawkes. I learned a fuck lot this week. I took a quantum leap and I can’t sleep.
I mean, can almost never sleep – but right now I am not chasing it. I’m sitting here, buzzing with life, listening to the lover’s call of a pair of great horned howls. The hairs on the back of my neck are tingling and standing tall. My hands on fire. There’s joy on the inside, deep in my belly. Full on Lit-up-ness
I am now so acutely aware of how small I have been playing. Of how hurt, alone and scared the 7 year old Terra inside has been. I’ve been running from it for so long. But the illumination is so strong. The path so well lit.
I’ve revived and redesigned this blog today. It’s been with me in one form or another since 2003 and there are books and books filled with journals before I went digital. Most digital posts are now hidden, the livejournal self hatred days don’t need a revival. I’m still beautifully broken, but I’m now holding it differently. Older IIN and coaching posts are still visible, because they can be helpful… but I’m not here to be a health or business or life coach again. Not now, not in that way.
This is my great unlearning and relearning. I’m using it to dig back into everything I’ve let fall aside since my Saturn return. I’ve been off the rails, off the path for a long time. Or was I just a 1/3 Generator, learning, doing, planning and shifting until the perfect time to stitch the patchwork of my mastery together?