Yoga

Update 2019.

Is this thing on?

I haven’t posted to this blog with anything of substance in ages.  Here’s the quick recap:

  • I am still happily divorced and living in Upstate New York (EnjoyTroy!).
  • For the first time in 20 years, I don’ have a Great Dane by my side. 😦
  • I’m back to lawyering full time. I work for a non-profit health insurance company. I actually don’t hate my job.
  • I am no longer doing legal-yoga-studio business consulting work but if you have a burning question that needs to be answered, comment and/or email and I’ll try to reach out.
  • After a 5 year studio hiatus, I am teaching yoga again. Come visit me Lark Street Yoga in Albany, NY.  I am teaching Yin with a Bhakti Spin and Bhakti Foundations.
  • My non-profit dream is slowly coming to life since connecting with two amazingly empowered spirit souls.
  • I still love the phish from Vermont and catch around 10ish shows a year. More money and vacation time willing.

I most recently spent a month in India.
It cracked me open.
I shifted.

Because of that shift, I am here, reviving this blog.

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#blogfail

I’ve already failed at reviving this blog by going a full month without posting.

The highlight of January-February was heading to Jersey being told, “No, you can’t see Stella.”  Meh.  I didn’t think I’d miss that asshole dog, but I do.  Married life? Not so fucking much.

This weekend I am going to add my thoughts on a few things. This post is just a reminder:

  • Internet Dating
  • Mean Girls
  • Being 40
  • Phish Chicks

Stay tuned. Whoever you are.

More Life...

I am no longer… SpiritStyle #4

An athlete. A wife. A dog mom. A student. A yoga teacher. Fertile.

I am adjusting to life in a 40+ year old body. A life that neglects its yoga practice. That no longer skis or snowboards.  That isn’t on a soccer team. That isn’t on any team. There’s no dog to hike with. There’s no dog to take to the park.  There aren’t any students to adjust, love up, nurture, chant with or bow to. There’s no ring on my finger to tell me I am loved.  And my womb is now and will likely forever be…empty.

I am attempting to fit into this new skin. To try her on and see how she feels. Honestly, she’s a bit uncomfortable. The adjustments are excruciatingly hard to make. The one for which I have no control is the hardest.  Luckily, that’s only one thing, and there is no fighting a biological clock.  Everything else is up to me. It’s my choice. My prerogative. My opportunity.

I choose to re-become a yoga teacher. Or at least practitioner. I choose to re-become a snowboarder. Eventually, I will choose to become a dog momma again. I am ok with letting go of Terra, the athlete. But I choose to re-become fit, healthy, strong and vibrant. I choose to re-become that Adirondack chick the one who tore up the mountain no holds barred. And most importantly, I will choose to know that I am loved, if only by myself, with or without a ring on my finger.

My closet holds a few of the things attached to things I am no longer.   My wedding dress for one, needs to be cleaned and then sold. My engagement and wedding ring. I decided last night the wedding ring will be resized and worn on my left thumb. I love it too much to let it go. My engagement ring, I will likely make into ring stacks…or just keep it forever. I am really not sure.

Lots of people say you should get rid of things that no longer fit – release them so you can start fresh. But I am not ready to admit defeat. I am crawling back to my yoga practice (Jivamukti tonight) and knees be damned I will dust off my snow board this winter. I have goals for 2017 and they include fitting back into my adorable Burton boarding pants. Fuck you if you think a 42 year old shouldn’t wear them. I am not ready nor willing to let go of that part of my SpiritStyle.

My collection of “obnoxious” t-shirts is astounding. I only stopped wearing them because I got married and gained so much weight from all the fertility treatments and depression. Now that I am neither married, depressed nor praying for fertility and I am gravitating back to my t-shirts. And I am ok with that.  That is a part of me that was lost in marriage and depression. In taking off the weight I am unearthing her and bringing her back to light.

More Life...

Finding Home.

2017.

It has been over a year.  I am settled into a new job.  A new city. Being  divorced.

I never thought that I would be here. Physically. Mentally. Spiritually. In fact I vowed that I wouldn’t. Yet here I am.  42. In my mid-life. Divorced.  Living in up-state New York. And I feel more at ease,  this feels more comfortable… than marriage.

My skin is beginning to feel my own again.  I finally feel at home in my space. I am settling into and falling in love with Troy. The routine is mine and mine alone.  I wake. I coffee. I listen. I dance. Lately it has been Galactic, bringing my funk.  I missed the funk. I  missed the free spirit. The determination. The vivacious, take-life-by-the-balls, Terra.

The Hudson and Mohawk River valleys are relatively new soil to tread, but still it feels like coming home. The mountains my soul and family are tied to are less than 2 hours away. The shore that pulls the heart strings of my Soul Sisters,  is less than 3 hours away.  This is a place and a space I can call home. And perhaps, just perhaps, grow roots.

finally at home, I am beginning to dig deep. To unearth who I am,  and most importantly who I am becoming…. I am tapping into the power within. To dance in ecstasy. To cry. To fuck. To love. To laugh. To find freedom. To feel crazy powerful in my own being. To feel light. To feel dark. To run with the wolves.  To pull the pieces of my puzzle together.

I am Attorney. I used to hate this label. I’ve never actually liked my job. I wore that hate like a badge of honor. For the first time in my life, I’m an attorney and I like my job.  I am analytical. I am demanding. My expectations are high. I am a creative problem-solver.  I am dependable. I am goal driven. I am powerful.  I am a woman of substance, character and influence.  Empowered

I am Mentor.  I am the one that gently and forcefully urges young women to make brash, courageous mistakes. To fuck up with fervor. To learn from that fuck up, to make the mistake two more times and finally learn.  To grow. And to learn to love yourself with wild abandon, while you’re still in your 20s. Not after you turn 40.  I am impatient. My expectations are high. But I love fiercely like a momma bear.  Nurturing. 

I am Yogini. I fall off of and on to my yoga mat. I practice. I stop. I waiver. I teach how to fall in love with yoga. With your spirit. To develop compassion first for self,  and then to care beyond. Beyond yourself. I sing. I chant. I meditate. I am bad at meditating. I yearn for spirit.  For Goddess.  Connection. Divine. 

I am Single. I am an only child and a rebel. I demand attention.  I am independent. I am lonely. I crave both connection and solitude. I am searching. Longing. Craving. I want to get drunk and jump in the water naked. I want to drink whiskey all night and smoke cigarettes and connect until the sun comes up.  I dance to my own song. Audacious. 

I am Sensitive. I feel all the feels. I cry. I wear a mask. No one knows. I am fierce in the public eye. Inside everything is loud and raging. I swallow and taste emotion. My feelings get hurt. I am insecure. I want to love love. I am terrified of love. I might not be lovable. I numb the feelings with busy-ness. I start new projects. Businesses. Ventures. I do trainings and add degrees, certifications, letters to my name. I fill the void to push out the feeling. The Highly Sensitive Person label scares me Emotional. 

Empowered. Nurturing. Divine. Audacious. Sensual. Emotional. 

Yoga

Hey, is this thing on?

It has been two years. A significant amount of *stuff* has happened in my personal life that of course, rippled through my professional, small business life which of course lead to my disappearance in the blog world and the closure of my thriving business, The Darshana Collective.  The short story is I no longer live in Jersey. I divorced my husband in August 2015. We remain friends.

Here’s the Cliff’s Notes to the long story:

  • Fertility drugs don’t work for everyone, and the royally fuck your body up.
  • Gaining 45lbs in a year due to said fertility drugs will decimate your self esteem.
  • Your ego will creep in like a dark shadow and tell you you’re a joke for teaching yoga, yoga business, yoga law or anything remotely yoga related.
  • Oh, you’re a Certified Health Coach?  That’s funny, fatty.
  • You slowly spiral into depression. Your ego is stronger than you.
  • Food and isolation become your comfort.
  • Your husband doesn’t really like being social anyway, he’s fine with staying home and watching TV. EVERY. DAMN. DAY.
  • You gain 25 more pounds.
  • When it’s time to take your 8th cycle round of Follistim, your husband still hasn’t quit smoking or drinking, you think long and hard about WTF you’re doing.
  • You realize you’re the loneliest you’ve ever been in your 39 years on the planet.
  • You start an online affair with your ex boyfriend and long lost love.
  • You don’t see him in real life, but he still pays more attention to you than your husband does to the dog, and that’s a fuck lot.
  • It’s only sort-of a mistake because you’re really just looking for the neon exit sign because you’re suffocating.
  • You decide to change your life.
  • You dye your hair red, head back to the gym and decide divorce is the answer.
  • You still can’t look at your yoga mat.
  • You’re totally terrified of change but that’s never stopped you before.
  • You’ve always been better alone anyway
Business

Does your yoga career need some love?

I know – I haven’t updated in a bit…but that’s because I have been doing some serious behind the scenes shit!  First – my new website is finally LIVE! There are still a few things that need to be adjustedThis blog will be migrating over there soon, so make sure you update your feed and add yourself to my list to stay up-to-date on everything current.

Second, I a have booked a number of speaking engagements over the course of the next 6 months- I am sharing info and experience on everything corporate and yoga biz and how to really grow your yoga business and settle into (and THRIVE!) in your yoga career.

Speaking of, have you totally noticed that there’s a crap-load of hype about following your  passion to create a career you love… but not much honest + practical  advice on HOW TF to do it?

Get off Your meditation pillow and hustle.

Trying to figure out how to turn your  passion into a profitable + sustainable yoga career?? HELLO OVERWHELM. And even more – it  often seems like the only yogis who DO make a comfortable living sharing yoga are ‘celebriyogis’ or studio owners.

What about the rest of us? Screw ‘celebriyogis’. We all want to be Superstar Yoginis in business!

That’s why I’m redonkulously excited about the from Yogi to Yogipreneur Virtual  Conference Series. My friend + colleague, Racheal Cook (founder of TheYogipreneur.com) is bringing together over 30 amazing yogis to share exactly how they turned their passion for yoga into a real career… and she’s invited ME to teach how to Cover Your Asana(TM): Yoga Business and the Law

Join me here.

Yoga

People will steal your shit.

Holy fucking breaking news Batgirl!!

Alanna Kaivalya says in her Manhattan Supreme Court suit that Wanderlust Festivals strung her along for four months just to get insight into her training methods.

Last week I blogged about TM and Copyright…..and a few weeks before that I blogged about Covering Your Asana with legal agreements . I’ve really been tapping into my legal mojo. I hope you understand, I’m not just talking to hear my own voice here. Alanna Kaivalya is suing Wanderlust for basically stealing her Kaivalya Method Teacher training manual. This is important shit!!! I ADORE Alanna Kaivalya her JivaDiva pod casts were the catalyst for me doing my first 200hr training. I also I love Wanderlust Festival. If they did her dirty – that is so NOT cool. SO SO SO much heart and soul goes into developing a teacher training. I cant even imagine someone snagging it on you. horrible. Good for her for actually getting a CDA in place. I certainly hope she also signed a collaboration agreement! Read the full story on the NY Daily News and you should probably check out my new Facebook page, Legal Dharma – for all things yoga + law related. Less Drama