You guys want to help me with the tumble weeds around here? It’s the end of February and it has been almost two months since my last post. I broke the cardinal rule of blogging- you actually have to blog. Now let me take some time to provide you with the excuses.
Here’s what really happened….the holidays came and priorities were inadvertently shuffled. Food. Family. Stress. Then I got frustrated over not having time for myself, my husband and my business on top of the 9-5 schlep and my volunteer work. So I broke cardinal rule #2 – working in my business instead of working on my business. I decided everything needed to be done all at once and I was the best person to do it. Shit with my web designer hit the fan (see how the website isn’t launched yet?) and I started moving horizontally instead of vertically.
Enter overwhelm.
When overwhelm hits and you’re already frustrated everything comes to a grinding halt. Why? Because all of a sudden your brain is torn between the ‘woulda, coulda shoulda’ land of the past and the ‘what if’ land of the future. The moment you enter the scary dark corners of the past and /or the future the most important thing disappears. The present.
The most important thing you can do in life; for your self, your business, your practice your friends, your family, your community, for everyone you encounter is STAY PRESENT.
My inaction over the past month and a half was a sweet reminder of how important the present is. Time to get back on the wagon, ya heard?
Sometimes it’s really scary going inside. There’s cobwebs, old memories and pain buried deep within us. Everything you need, your power, your spirit your inspiration, your intuition. It’s all inside you. You just have to dig deep. If you have a pile of shit to dig through, grab a shovel. If you need help, reach for it…but go there. You’re a warrior. Fight + release the demons. Go inside. Go deep.
I’m going to make a simple suggestion that’s not always easy to implement…
Fuck Fitting In.
Don’t stuff yourself into a box of what you think you need to be. Inevitably you’ll get claustrophobic and resentful and no one likes a stuffy up-tight bitch. Your job on this planet is to rock the world, make a difference and FIT OUT. Do more of what makes you AWESOME.
Fitting OUT is uncomfortable. That discomfort is the catalyst for growth, emotionally and spiritually. Be you. Be awesome.
I believe that one defines oneself by reinvention. To not be like your parents. To not be like your friends. To be yourself. To cut yourself out of stone.
Ever heard the expression the devil’s in the details? Yeah. I have no idea what that really means, but in goal planning in order to be achievable, goals must be specific. How can you reach a goal when you’re not sure exactly what it is? Goals need to be clear and as detailed as possible. One way to clarify your goals is to ask yourself the what, when, who, why and how.
WTF is Your Goal?
When you’re deciding what it is exactly that you want, make a statement that includes all of the specifics. Instead of saying that you want a financially viable yoga career, figure out what exactly financially viable is to you. If your goal is to pack your classes, decide how many students you need. Take a simple statement like ‘I will have more abundance in 2014’ and turn it into a detailed plan of action.
When Are You Getting There?
It’s equally important to make a specific time-frame. This is the deadline when your goal will be completed. You need to do this for your main goal and all the little steps in between. Create a clear timeline and as you work toward your goal, reflect to see if you’re keeping up. Reflect. Reflect. Reflect. What’s working? What isn’t? Make adjustments and tweak (not to be confused with twerk) to find your sweet spot + success.
Who’s On Your Team?
This is so important. It’s absolutely essential that you have a power posse on your side. There are very few goals that you can reach flying totally solo. You’ll find that there are some people whose help, expertise, or support you’re going to need. If you’re trying to quit smoking, you’re going to need support and encouragement. If you want to become an online entrepreneur, you’ll need mentors to learn from and assistants to handle tasks you can’t do yourself. Decide who you need and reach out to them before you get started.
How Ya Gettin There?
When you’re looking at a specific goal that you’ll reach on a certain date in the future, you might be wondering how on earth you’re going to get from here to there. The way people do it is to take their big goal and break it up into smaller ones. Don’t shove the whole pie in your mouth – try to remember your manners and use a fork!! If the smaller ones are still too big, break them up further. In fact, it really helps to break your sub-goals into daily actions that will get you closer to achieving them. After you’ve broken it all down into small steps, you’ve got your road map for how to get there.
Why Is This Important?
Ask yourself honestly why you want to attain this goal and make sure that you understand the true reasons. Keep these reasons in your mind as you work toward making it happen. This is the emotion behind manifesting. The reasons and feelings give you motivation and inspiration, which keeps your ass in line when the shit hits the fan – and let’s be honest – it inevitably does.
Answer all these questions using visualization. Imagine yourself in the future after you’ve packed your classes, nailed that corporate client down or pay your mortgage/rent on time and still have a little something left over. Picture yourself taking the steps you need to take to get there. This will help you come up with realistic answers to the questions above.
Resolutions set you up for failure. Every year you may resolve to lose 20lbs, but unless you have a plan on getting there, you’re just going to feel guilty about breaking your resolution.
Goal setting is crucial for getting what you want out of your business (and life). There really isn’t any other way to produce real lasting change. Rewind your life and look closely at anything you’ve achieved, becoming a Yoga Teacher for example… The steps you took could have looked something like this: Step 1: Develop yoga practice. Step 2: Find a Teacher Training Program that’s suitable for me. Step 3: Complete 200hr Teacher Training Program. Step 4: Practice teaching. Step 5: Get teaching gig. Maybe you wrote all that down on a piece of paper, maybe not, either way, you thoroughly planned and executed goal behind becoming a yoga teacher. Goal setting is important, yo! Here’s why:
Clarity
Goal setting gives you clarity about what you want. Most of us have vague desires floating around in our heads. If you don’t set down in concrete terms exactly what you want, you’ll end up spinning your wheels and getting nothing done. You actually create your goals twice – once in your mind and once later in reality. The clearer the vision in your mind, the easier it is to formulate concrete steps that will get you there.
Responsibility
When you set down a goal and start working toward it, you give yourself a sense of responsibility to see it through. You can easily understand that whether or not you attain your goal has little to do with outside influence and everything to do with your attitude and actions. You can no longer blame others for your failure to get what you want. This is totally empowering. You become solely accountable.
Action
If you set your goal well, it will give you a concrete action plan. Wishing for things to happen doesn’t do this. You have to get off your meditation pillow and actually hustle. You know that you have to get started today and take small steps toward your eventual target. An important part of the goal setting process is breaking up your goals into smaller goals and a daily action plan that will get you there.
Motivation
Shit goes wrong. Without a goal, how do you stay on target, especially when things get royally effed up? Making daily progress toward your goal through your action plan gives you the motivation to keep going. You can see how far you’ve come and you know that it would totally suck to turn back. For lots of peeps, simply putting your goal into words and getting started is a great motivator.
Focus
Without laser-sharp focus, you’re unlikely to ever achieve great things in your life. You’re just going through the motions. Having a goal and plan for achieving it keeps you completely focused on what you need to do in order to get there. I totally fall victim to the shiny object syndrome, but it’s much harder to be distracted or led astray by shiny objects when you’re focused on a specific goal. If you set goals, you know exactly where to put your energy each day to get it done. Decisions begin to make themselves.
One Goal at a Time
Goal setting is important but there’s a right and wrong way to do it. Like any skill, it’s something you need to learn and practice. Most people don’t learn from their goal-setting mistakes and they continually struggle to attain the goals they desire. You’re motivated and you’ve got lots of changes you want to make in your life or business, but ease up killer! You wouldn’t guide a yoga newb into headstand in their first class, would you? {if you would, you need your teaching cred revoked} Take it one goal at a time. Be reasonable. Choose which is most important to you and focus on it. Let the others wait. Once you’re in the groove with the first goal, think about adding another. Don’t burn yourself out by tackling too many, you’ll just end up feeling shitty in the end!
Today I want to talk about rules. More importantly, breaking them.
Now before you start running around all willy-nilly breaking rules for your own convenience, that’s not what I’m talking about. Red lights are there for a reason and if you cut to the font of the Starbucks line, I can’t promise someone won’t punch you in the throat! The rules I am talking about are the ones that we have imposed on ourselves and the ones that have been unintentionally imposed on us. Living by these rules imprison us when in actuality we were designed to dance and shine in abundance and success.
Example:
I’m an artist, I can’t run a business.
I can’t wear that dress, my thighs are too fat.
My relationships never work out. I am destined to be alone.
I can’t be a yoga teacher, I’m overweight and I can’t even touch my toes.
When you read those rules out loud they seem pretty ridiculous, right? That’s because they are. They’re big, fat, stupid rules. But being ridiculous never stopped anyone from anything. And our rules can be broken. If you start breaking the rules that imprison you , you’ll be amazed at what you can accomplish and the happiness that will pour into your life.
Breaking these rules isn’t easy. It takes a revolution within ourselves. If our evolution happened over night, it wouldn’t be evolution. It would be…crap, I don’t know, something that happens over night without any effort, like leaves turning red in the fall.
The first step is figuring out what the hell they are. What rules are do you live by that are holding you back? How can you deprogram yourself? Once you have them identified, then work on reprogramming your rules.
I have been trying to figure this out myself for a while now. I’m going out on a limb now, trying to break a few of my own self imposed rules. I’m getting personal. Something I very rarely do. Here are a few rules I am trying to crush.
I have too much educational debt to be self employed. – fuck that shit. I’ve done it before and I will do it again. It just takes creativity, ambition and hustle. My new rule? I have what it takes to be successful and the woman [Sallie Mae] can’t keep me down.
Asking for help will make me seem weak. Seriously. I’m not sure exactly how this one got there but it has infected almost every aspect of my life. Maybe it’s genetic. I come from a very long line of disturbingly independent women (on both sides of my family). I struggled for months trying to build and tweak my website when I finally acknowledged that I needed help (thank you Courtney!) time and abundance began flowing in other directions. My new rule: It’s good to ask for help when you need it.
If I share my emotions people will think I am weak and/or crazy. This one is hard. Really, really hard for me. I am pretty sure it’s tied to the asking for help rule, which is rooted in my Adirondack upbringing- fierce independence. And that long line of fiercely independent women, well, they’re notorious for not letting a soul inside. I’ve been working on reprogramming myself to believe that the complexity of my emotions make me unique. The good, the bad and the ugly are all a part of who I am. They are what draws people to me and what keeps us connected. If I don’t let them out and share them my connections to those other souls will merely be superficial. My new rule: My emotions are powerful, sharing them will nurture the relationships I have.
So, those are some of the rules that have been holding me back in my personal, business and spiritual evolution. What are the rules that hold you back? How are you going to break them? Who will hold you accountable? Break the fucking rules. The dialog in your brain has to change. Rewire your thinking so you can go out there, kick ass, be happy and change the world.
There’s something I’ve been meaning to open up about on here (and in life). Not only to get it out of my own system and release the energy, but because I know there are other people that have been there. Acknowledging this is like trying to roll a bowling ball up a hill with your tongue.
So. Fucking. Hard.
The last weekend in August, I took a road trip to P-town, MA with my former housemate for the bachelorette party of our other housemate. It was so much fun and such a celebration of love + friendship. In a drunken profession of heterosexual love I confessed to her that somewhere along the way, I had lost myself, but it was ok, I was coming back to life again. (I realized this quite some time ago, but she was the very first person I admitted it to, out loud). Her only response was… “well I’m glad you’re back, it’s about fucking time, I missed you.” Then there were tears -big, fat, juicy, drunk tears.
People that have known me for years know that I am a little mouthy, a little bossy and a little sassy. I’m fiercely loyal, ridiculously stubborn and 9 times out of 10 my volume is dialed up as far as it will go [in public]. For the past few years the ‘me volume‘ has been buffered. I transformed into something that wasn’t authentically me. How did it happen? How did I get there?
The Bhagavad Gita says do another’s dharma to your detriment. I experienced this first hand. I chose to follow the dharma of another. In the process I lost my voice. The essence of what was truly me; type-a, over-achiever, energizer, volume on high, f bombs and all.
When I was asked to join Live. Breathe. Grow., I was over the moon excited about it. While my heath + yoga coaching practice was blossoming, I was lonely and totally tired of chugging along on my own. (Lesson Number 1:always have a support system in place – you need a support posse that has your back). The excitement of launching a new company was infectious. I was drunk on the innovation of new ideas and the creativity of designing business organization. I couldn’t help but to fall in love with the ideas of what could be and I didn’t think twice about sending out an e-blast to 2000 subscribers telling them I was closing up shop.
I walked into the partnership in love and friendship (Lesson Number 2: never take your legal thinking cap off and always enter into partnership agreements). I didn’t have the start up financial investment to be an equal partner, but we were friends so ‘on paper’ it was 50/50. Subconsciously, the unequal footing tamed my opinion. It was always her company, I was just jumping on board. I deferred at all times to her opinion. I quieted my voice. It was her dream, I was just along for the ride. In failing to be truly open, I became more like my business partner and a little less like myself. I dialed my volume down. Instead of fighting for the sparkle and spotlight (something as an only child I have done all my life) I was content to walk in another’s shadow. I felt less like me. I was embarrassed to have effervescent opinions which lead me to feel dreadfully inadequate. The irony was, I was selling t-shirts that inspired and empowered women to:
Stand in your personal power and strength. Honor your voice, that source of intuitive wisdom that shines like a beacon on light inside you. Have the courage to decide how to live your own life. Go inside to find your guide, then harness your energy to shine your light outward. Be confident in who you are and tell the world I AM ME. Live. Breathe. Grow. …into who you are meant to be.
The LBG Manifesto is gorgeous. It’s soft and supportive. It wraps its arms around you and lifts you up with compassion. It’s purely Nancy and perfect for her company.
It’s not purely Terra. Purely Terra is loud.
Determined.
Audacious.
Gold Sparkled.
Fierce.
Visionary.
She doesn’t coddle you, she tells you to walk it off [wings. talk.hustle!]. If there’s a theme song in the background, it probably came from Yo MTV Raps. She doesn’t need to be reminded of her personal power, because she’s already fucking there. Or at least she was before she gave up her own path to do another’s dharma.
When Nancy told me she didn’t want to do it anymore, that she wanted to let it all go and turn LBG into a blog, I was devastated. I told her I would take over, work on buying her out and continue down the path we had forged together. And I tried. But nothing, and I mean nothing worked out. The Universe tossed out red flag after red flag and I kept ignoring them, volleying back ideas to keep her on board and to keep LBG alive. (Lesson Number 3:Ignoring the Universe is a really fucking bad idea). I was heartbroken and frustrated. Tired of trying to balance two people on a unicycle, I finally gave up and walked away.
I immediately threw myself into a Masters to PhD. program that I wasn’t jumping up and down about. I needed to fill time and space. I was totally and utterly lost. I had completely forgotten what I was like to be me outside of LBG. In following another’s dharma I lost my own identity. If I wasn’t one of the owners of LBG, what was I? Without LBG I had no fucking clue. A lawyer? A yoga teacher? Life Coach? Health Coach? Entrepreneur? [LBG Terra would never say fuck in a blog].
I didn’t have the answers. I retreated. I severed ties and let go of my network. I broke up with Yoga, the one thing used to bring me me clarity and peace. I struggled. I cried daily. I flew into fits of rage and bitterness. My once open and vibrant personality became dim and introverted. Finally, with guidance I learned to surrender. The only thing that brought me back was letting go. Letting go of the business, letting go of the partnership, letting go of the networks, letting go of the friendship. (Lesson Number 4:Sometimes you have to surrender and let go to move forward).
Eventually a fewfriends coaxed me back into my yoga practice. I found a studio that didn’t know me as a teacher or that I was associated with LBG (Let me tell you, that was NOT easy, I had to wait until a new studio opened up). And in yoga, I found myself (yet again). I’ve put my own shoes on (they’re gold Sparkle Toms). And most importantly, I’ve tapped back into that thing that makes me, me. For the first time in over a year, I actually feel alive, confident, and happy —all at the same time. It’s amazing how once you let go, clarity is instantaneous.
Nancy decided not to turn Live. Breathe. Grow. into a blog and it continues to grow. I still feel awkward when people ask – my voice is there, but my heart is still raw. Mostly I just say we were heading in two different directions. She continues on her path, and I’ve hopped back on mine.
Doing another’s dharma was to my detriment – I lost friendships, time, two businesses, a vibrant teaching practice and the most detrimental – my voice. Through it all I gained clarity and now I know my true dharma, to help yoginis, energy workers, peace makers and earth keepers live abundant lives.
I can’t wait for The Darshana Collective to launch.
It’s coming soon….
Today’s hand mantra was inspired by the INCREDIBLE weather we’re having here in NJ.
Confidence is Radiance
I was sitting at my computer this morning thinking about what makes someone or something attractive. What attracts me to a yoga teacher a business coach, a life partner? Underneath the exterior, it’s always the same thing. Radiance. The inner-glowing that comes from the confidence of knowing who you are. Being solid in the foundation of who you are and not compromising who you are for what someone else or society thinks you should be.
Everyone has that radiance inside of them, it’s just not always easy to let it shine. We often we get caught up in ego. Our ego tells us we’re not good enough. In yoga, these afflictions of the mind are called kleshas; five reasons we get distracted from who we actually are, divine beings.
My message today: Confidence is Radiance, Shine like the sun! is there to remind me that I am a divine being. When I have the confidence to radiate my inner light, it will spread far and wide and touch everyone I come into contact with. It becomes a little ripple-effect of goodness. Today I am remembering to SHINE.
If you need help shining on, check out this video of MC Yogi at Bhakti Fest from 2009. Maybe jump into your home practice and do a few sun salutations on this glorious day!
When I was doing my Soul Sweat vinyasa training, one of the required readings was Effortless Prosperity by Bijan. It’s a good little book about living life, it has daily affirmations meant to guide you towards that good life. I sort of likened it to a low-key, modern day version of Book 1 of Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras.
To remind you of your daily affirmations, Bijan suggests you write them on the palm of your hand so you have a reminder throughout the day. This was totally my speed. Before my iPhone, blackberry, file-o-fax, I was a notorious blue bic pen appointment setter on my palm. Naturally I followed Bijan’s suggestion and wrote my little daily affirmations on my palm each morning:
I am peace
I am light
And so on. It was a wonderful excuse for me to get artsy on my palm. When the 30 days of affirmations were up so was my palm artistry. I haven’t written notes on my hands since!
My question now is why?!? it was a fabulous daily reminder and I’ve just decided I’m going to do it again. Not Effortless Prosperity, but my own daily affirmations and mantras on the palm of my hand to keep my goals and intentions fresh in my thoughts? I bet it will be a helpful change catalyst.
Here’s this morning’s hand hahaha. It’s not a delicate reminder. It’s big blue block letters.
It’s not palm artistry. It’s not pretty. It’s my reminder for the day. Drink Water. Start Karma Hours. Go to Yoga.
My first reminder today is to drink WATER! As a Health Coach and a yoga instructor and a part time hot yoga practitioner, you would think I would be great about drinking water. The secret is I’m not. I’m terrible about it. I never remember until I’m dying of thirst and by that time my brain is sucking my waste-water to get its hydration. Totally gross!!
KARMA is the second. This reminder is two-fold. Daily task, and big picture. Daily task is simple, I start my karma/work study hours at Coba Yoga this morning. I need to get there on time! Big picture is just a nice reminder to do good.
The last, YOGA is a no brainer. There’s a 6pm class at Hot & Soul tonight and I want to get to it… no, I need to get to it. I’ve been trail running with Stella to prep or Rebel Race and now my hamstrings are even more knotty than they usually are. I wish I could find a hot Yin class somewhere, that’s exactly what I need. But I guess the next best thing will be class at H&S – it’s literally the hottest studio in Monmouth County – not because it’s hip or trendy, because it’s like practicing in the jungles of hell.
Perhaps as I progress with my hand art reminders I will move towards henna inspired art and Louise Hay-esque mantras and affirmations. Right now I just need to remember to drink more water. Go to Coba Yoga for my karma hours and make it to the 6pm hot class tonight.
So far I made it to my hours…I’m drinking my water…and I’ll let you know if I make it to the 6pm class. 🙂
It’s equally important to make a specific time-frame. This is the deadline when your goal will be completed. You need to do this for your main goal and all the little steps in between. Create a clear timeline and as you work toward your goal, reflect to see if you’re keeping up. Reflect. Reflect. Reflect. What’s working? What isn’t? Make adjustments and tweak (not to be confused with twerk) to find your sweet spot + success.
