Since this weekend’s download, I have been contemplating what it means to step into my mastery. I’ve started blog posts on my non-traditional resume, my patterns, my certificates..none of which have quite made it far enough to publish. There’s so much there, to weave together, that is unseeingly related yet inexplicably intertwined.
I am meant to build community.
I am meant to empower women to look within themselves to become great forces of change and service.
I am Terra, a green witch and meant to heal the earth.
I am meant to work in the light.
What that actually looks like, I am not sure.
This morning (and perhaps this become my every morning ritual) I pulled a Soul Callings spread from my Work your Light Oracle Cards (Rebecca Campbell).
The first card was Deep Replenishment. This card represents what is falling away. What needs to fall away for me are all the things from the outside world that I have been using to fill the void. For my alignment and assertion to continue, I need to care for my inner well. The cup from which I nourish others is empty and I cannot do a damn thing, unless I start nourishing myself first. I need grounding and nourishing. Spiritual nourishing.
My medicine is potent and I have forgotten it.
I’ve been covering it up with excess, capitalistic rituals and sour dough toast with apricot jam. I no longer recognize the reflection in the mirror. I haven’t been respecting my body nor my power.
I’ve been working to excess in the past month in my 9-5. It’s crushing me and delaying actions I need to take to move forward in my mastery, in my souls calling, in the alignment of my path. I know it’s a slow burn. I need to continue operating within the confines of what society looks like today until I am ready to break free – but I cannot break free unless I set boundaries for myself. I am sitting here now, today, doing just that. taking time away from work to replenish.
Sometimes I think about the moment I began ignoring my light, specifically the gift of the goddess to work with the light. I remember seeing a very dark energy around a person one of my best friends was dating. It scared me. Societal and Christian conditioning told me he was evil, something to be feared and caged. I was terrified. I know now, what I was seeing was his pain. But then, (and I believe this was somewhere around my Saturn return) I wanted nothing to do with it. I didn’t know how to talk about it. I thought I was either going crazy or people would think I was crazy. Rather than cultivating that gift, I buried it.
Experience. Wisdom and Acceptance.
I could continue to ignore my path, my design, my dharma, my destiny – by simply filling the holes with anything but divinity. For me this takes many forms – eating too much of the wrong things too often, drinking too much wine, abusing substances and plant medicines as an escape, rather than the medicine they are, spending too much money, shopping, living beyond my means, ignoring patterns, repeating cycles…. Literally the hamster wheel I have been off and on for the past 20 years…which leads me to the second card I pulled
I am no longer surprised. The Pleiades are a group of star being dedicated to raising the vibration of the planet. “you are a soul who has a double mission: to grow at a soul level and raise the vibration of the planet. I you have been called to write, speak or channel, this is your sign to keep doing it. Your work is divinely guided.”
I can’t make this shit up. Nor can I continue to ignore my light, my divinity continuing to diverge from my dharma.
The calling is loud and clear right now. I refuse to keep running from dharma and straying from my path. I am listening to the the downloads I am receiving. I am committing to taking steps, no matter how slow they may be to align with my power. I have deep wounds, I am naturally a light worker – a warrioress – I have the capacity to be a powerful leader who spreads joy in my wake, and I am finally ready to answer the calling.